


Fight-or-Flight

by Rhyllow



Series: Forget-Me-Not [2]
Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hope's Peak Academy (Dangan Ronpa), Angst, D.I.C.E is a thing, Fluff, Hanahaki AU, Kaede is a good friend, Kokichi is struggling, M/M, Shuichi has a lot of feelings, cat and mouse game
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-08
Updated: 2018-03-31
Packaged: 2019-03-28 13:52:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13905372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rhyllow/pseuds/Rhyllow
Summary: Kokichi Ouma has abandoned everything for the sake of his classmates, including his own life. He believes that he is going to die at that hands of the flowers that have taken over his very being, but what if there's a chance that someone out there is looking for him? But how can everything be resolved when the one who needs help doesn't want to be found?*Note: This is the second part of my Hanahaki AU fic called "Forget-Me-Not." If you have not read the first part, please read that before coming to this.





	1. Frantic

**Author's Note:**

> Hoi :D
> 
> If you have no idea what this new fic is about, you either didn’t read the notes on part one, “Forget-Me-Not,” or you didn’t read it at all. If you belong to the latter… please read part one. You will have no idea what’s going on.
> 
> I’m sorry that this took so long to release! I decided to spend February trying to get caught up on schoolwork, but even though I studied my ass off, my grades are still D’s and F’s. My math teacher even declared that I’m an actual idiot, so I decided that I’m getting nowhere, and in a fit of anger, I wrote a Korekiyo X Seesaw crack fic, which actually helped for some unknown reason. Who knew anger could inspire crack fics?
> 
> Anyways, on with the show!

Kokichi was lost.

 

All around him, sirens blared, cars honked, people shouted and laughed, and the thundering footsteps of the thousands of pedestrians that roamed the city was much too loud for Kokichi. He was still breathing hard from his grand escape. The wooziness that accompanied his worsening state was making breathing quite the chore. Everything was a chore. Kokichi wanted nothing more to sit down and waste away in some alleyway, coughing up petals until his last breath.

 

That scenario was a real possibility, seeing that no matter how much Kokichi drowned himself in his thoughts, he was still lost.

 

Even worse, Kokichi wasn’t wearing his scarf. When he had first woken up in that classroom, he immediately noticed that his scarf was drenched in blood. He was lucky none of the blood had gotten on his white clothes, but still… his scarf. His precious scarf.

 

Then he realized that it no longer mattered. Kokichi was no longer a member of D.I.C.E.. He was no longer the Ultimate Supreme Leader. He was no longer a student at Hope’s Peak Academy. All the titles that granted him the illusion of belonging had been thrown away by Kokichi himself. 

 

Now, he was just a scared, lonely child, who wandered the streets with nowhere to go, and no one who was coming to save him.

 

There was a lingering feeling in his stomach that formed when he woke up, and it wouldn’t go away. Something about the way his friends… no, classmates were huddled in a tight circle, their attention focused on Korekiyo, didn’t sit well with Kokichi. He had no clue what they were talking about, since his head was ringing and pounding, but in the end, Kokichi decided that he needed to leave. He didn’t know what he was still doing in the classroom.

 

That was when that feeling in the pit of his stomach first turned into dread.

 

Did his classmates know about his hanahaki? Did they know it was Shuichi? Did Shuichi know? They couldn’t know… Kokichi never left any openings for them to know! Did he miss something? He did pass out in the classroom, but that was no reason for worry. They didn’t care. Besides, Naoki came. Naoki would never tell anyone. Naoki didn’t care enough. Nobody cared enough. Nobody cared, nobody cared, nobody cared…

 

Those words accompanied the ringing in his head as Kokichi slipped out of the classroom, almost falling numerous times. No one else was in the school, so Kokichi was able to make a clean getaway. 

 

Which led to Kokichi’s current situation. 

 

He had never been in the city alone before. There had always been at least one member of D.I.C.E. accompanying him, or at least watching from the shadows with Kokichi’s consent. Where would he go now?

 

Or rather, where would Kokichi go to die?

 

Shuichi… Kokichi wanted to go somewhere that reminded him of Shuichi. As the thought entered his mind, he could feel his lungs burn with pain, which sent him into a coughing fit. Kokichi needed to get out of the view of the public. He would go to the park… the one near the cafe he wanted to go to with Shuichi on what would’ve been their first date. Even as Kokichi slowly crumbled into flowers, he couldn’t get Shuichi out of his mind. He couldn't hate Shuichi. If anything, as every moment passed, Kokichi just loved him more. It hurt so badly.

 

Kokichi remembered who he was before meeting Shuichi. His fight-or-flight mentality had been built around a selfish child, with selfish dreams. Those accentuated fight-or-flight instincts still lingered, but the focus was no longer protecting himself, but protecting Shuichi. Protecting his kind, pure, innocent heart from grief or suffering. Protecting him from stress… protecting him from Kokichi himself. 

 

That’s why Kokichi couldn’t go back. He was running… fleeing for Shuichi’s sake. Everything would work out as long as Kokichi didn’t leave the park. His classmates wouldn’t even wonder where he went. Because… they hated him.

 

And that was a good thing.

 

Right?

 

If it turned out that his classmates did know, and they did care… though it was unlikely, what the hell would Kokichi do? Could he face them? How would he act? Around them, the only way he knew how to present himself was through lies. Kokichi didn’t know how in the world he could ever be sincere with them. He could chalk up his disease to a prank, but after everything that they might’ve seen while Kokichi was unconscious, would they believe him? After every lie he’s told? 

 

There was evidence littered throughout the school, but Kokichi was quite confident that it would never be found. The photo album he had created of pictures of him and Shuichi on their class trip was buried outside the school, where no one would ever be able to find it. The valentine Kokichi had never given Shuichi was hidden in one of his notebooks, which no one would look through. There was blood and flowers all throughout his room, but who would ever want to look there? The only thing that worried Kokichi was his diary. He had filled it up a few weeks ago, and he hid it in the Leader’s Lab. But before the week-long study trip, Kokichi had lost his diary’s key. Who knows who could’ve found it?

 

The again, why was Kokichi worrying. Even if someone saw an of these things, it’s not like they would believe them. They still thought that Kokichi was a heartless prick, instead of a hopeless romantic. 

 

Shuichi would believe him. The last thing Kokichi wanted was for Shuichi to know, but Shuichi would believe him. Even when Kokichi surrounded himself with lies, Shuichi was always looking for the truth. 

 

But Shuichi couldn’t know.

 

Kokichi reached the park. It was a beautiful stretch of grass and trees, with large bushes and park benches lining a winding path. The smell of coffee wafted from the nearby cafe, which was nestled between two large office buildings and an ominous alleyway. Kokichi instinctively walked into the direction of the alleyway. He didn’t want to be in the eye of the masses. No one would find him nestled in the dark.

 

No one good, anyway.

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

The trial has disbanded soon after Shuichi’s passionate declaration, but Kaede wasn’t quite finished with the detective. 

 

Was she excited that Shuichi finally realized his feelings for the Supreme Leader? Yes, of course! It was so, painfully obvious that he was attracted to Kokichi for reasons that Kaede couldn’t understand, and it hurt to see Shuichi deny those feelings while convincing himself that he was in love with Kaede. But Shuichi was moving much too fast. 

 

Hanahaki was a difficult subject for Kaede to think about, but with everything that had gone down in the past week, Kaede forced herself to stay focused on the subject, especially when her best friend was involved. Kokichi was in love with Shuichi, and in the past, it was unrequited. Kaede understood this. Now, Shuichi has realized that he has feelings for Kokichi, which would normally cure Kokichi’s Hanahaki, but unless the patient gets the confirmation that their love is returned verbally or physically, nothing changes. Even worse, Shuichi’s serious announcement made it sound like he had been in love with Kokichi for years, which Kaede could understand, especially for a person in Shuichi’s position. Realizing your feelings for someone who could drop dead at any moment was a scary thought. But if Shuichi became too focused on Kokichi… and Kokichi died before Shuichi could reach him…

 

Kaede had known Shuichi for years. She knew everything about him, like how he’s fragile and delicate… there was no way the current Shuichi would be able to handle that.

 

“Saihara-kun-”

 

“Akamatsu-san, hurry! We have to go, now!” Shuichi yelled. In his hand he was clutching Kokichi’s diary, and his other hand was trying to pull Kaede out the door.

 

“Saihara-kun, slow down!” Kaede yelled. “We can’t run off without thinking. Besides, you’re in no state to be doing anything but resting right now.”

 

“I don’t care about that! Ouma-kun is dying right now, and you expect me to be sleeping, or something stupid like that? No, Kaede, I refuse.”

 

Shuichi was about to run off, but Kaede wasn’t going to back down. She grabbed Shuichi by the wrist, dragging him into the direction of the Music Research Lab, all the while Shuichi flailed and yelled at Kaede angrily. Shuichi was getting stronger from his workouts with Kaito and Maki, and he almost pulled away, but Kaede was still stronger than him, so in the end, she won. The reached the empty Music Lab in minutes. Kaede sat Shuichi down near her piano, locking the door with her ID. 

 

She turned to Shuichi, who had traded in some of his anger for worry. “I didn’t do anything wrong, right? Why are you doing this?”

 

His expression was so pained and exhausted that Kaede just wanted to wrap him in a blanket and sing him to sleep. Shuichi needed to calm down. He needed rest, a cool head, and a game plan. 

 

Kaede sat down at her piano. She touched a key softly, and she started to play a song that would help Shuichi calm down- Love Me by Yiruma. She made sure to touch every key gently, so that she and Shuichi could still communicate over the music. 

 

Her hands moved across the keys like a graceful wind, drawing Shuichi’s focus away from his frustration. The room filled with beautiful music, and once she saw that Shuichi was calm enough to converse with, she began to speak.

 

“I’ve never seen you more passionate about anything. The way you spoke earlier with such… determination, it was really admirable.” Kaede commented, her hands never taking a break. 

 

Kaede noticed that Shuichi’s breathing matched the song’s rhythm. 

 

“Then why are you stopping me?”

 

“I’m not stopping you, Saihara-kun. I’m slowing you down.”

 

…

 

“I… think I understand what you’re trying to do, Akamatsu-san, but can’t you see things from my perspective?” Shuichi pulled his knees up to his chest. “I was so blind to my own feelings. I was swayed by Ouma-kun’s lies, the class’s judgement of him, and my own denial. You’ve helped me to realize that these protective instincts are more than just the feelings of a friend looking out for a friend. This urge to know more about Ouma-kun isn’t just that urge a curious classmate feels. I understand myself now. I know the truth….”

 

Shuichi’s eyes were wet with tears, and Kaede wished that she could understand his feelings. If she couldn’t understand, then she was going to make sure her piano did. She played with even more emotion, translating Shuichi’s heavy words into music.

 

“A-and suddenly, I just f-feel overwhelmed by… by all these rushing feelings… Ouma-kun… Kokichi-kun could die at any second, and I wouldn’t have even been able to tell him that I loved him… I w-wouldn’t be able... he would d-die thinking n-no one loved him… and…”

 

Shuichi’s words were drowned out by his own sobs. He buried his face into his hands, letting his emotions take over. His cries, mixed in with the soothing piano, created the most heartbreaking melody Kaede had ever heard. Shuichi looked so helpless and small… fragile and delicate… Kaede barely noticed her own tears. 

 

Kaede let the song fade away into the air, leaving Shuichi’s crying as the only noise in the room. She stood from the piano, and making her way to Shuichi while wiping her tears. She wouldn't it be seen crying. She needed to be a strong and unwavering pillar to ground Shuichi. She placed her hand on his shaking shoulder, and when he didn’t push her away, she pulled him into a hug.

 

“H-he doesn’t have a-a family t-to return to… he’s probably s-s-so cold…”

 

“That’s why we’re going to save him, but after you’ve gotten rest.” Kaede soothed.

 

“Why c-can’t we save him now?” Shuichi sniffled.

 

Kaede sighed deeply. “If you ran up to Ouma-kun and confessed your love to him in your current state, he would think that you’re playing with his feelings. Ouma-kun still doesn’t trust us, so when we approach him, we have to be cautious.” She advised. “We still don’t know why he ran away in the first place, but Ouma-kun is fragile right now, and we can’t ignore that.”

 

Shuichi slowed his breathing, wiping his eyes repeatedly. 

 

“Saihara-kun, we’ve been friends since forever, and I’m as terrified as you are right now. Not just for Ouma-kun’s sake, but for yours. I can’t imagine what it’s like to have the one you love so close to death. I mean, Rantaro’s gotten into some dangerous situations, but it’s nothing like what you and Ouma-kun are going through. I promise, I want to support the both of you and see this all work out, but we need to play it smart.” 

 

Kaede’s eyes met Shuichi’s bloodshot golden gaze. She smiled warmly at him, and her heart threw a party when he smiled back. 

 

She really had a great best friend.

 

“Can you play another song?” Shuichi asked, no longer holding his knees up to his chest. Kaede was more than happy to comply with Shuichi’s request, rushing to the piano while racking her brain for the perfect song to play. She decided on “Diary” by BrunuhVille not only because it was a beautiful song, but because of the name. Kokichi’s diary had been a crucial piece of evidence in singling out Shuichi, and Kaede hated herself for not realizing that the purple notebook that Kokichi carried everywhere was a diary. She thought it was for something stupid, like keeping track of his lies or a blacklist. She translated her frustration into her playing.

 

“Before we go to search for Ouma-kun, you’re sleeping for at least three hours, got it?” Kaede said. “Ibuki keeps a futon in the closet over there, so you can use that if you want to sleep here. You don’t have to worry about anyone else coming in, since there’s no school today or tomorrow.” 

 

Shuichi nodded sleepily, heading towards the closet to set up the futon. “Then afterwards, we can go save Ouma-kun?”

 

“Yeah. I swear on my piano.”

 

“Thank you, Akamatsu-san…” Shuichi whispered, snuggled under the covers of the futon. With the combined forces of his utter exhaustion, Kaede’s piano playing, and Ibuki’s 10/10 futon, Shuichi was asleep in seconds. 

 

Kaede couldn’t help but feel a little proud of herself.  _ Mission accomplished _ ! Shuichi had been calmed down and was resting, so he could go all out when they left the school to look for Kokichi in a few hours.

 

The Shuichi she had seen during the trial made her happy, since Shuichi was finally being assertive, but he scared her at the same time. She was glad that she was able to keep Shuichi contained before he blew up. There was no denying that he loved Kokichi, but that love was like a caged bull. If riled up and released, it could cause some serious damage to both parties. Both Shuichi and Kokichi really didn’t need any more damage in their lives.

 

Suddenly, Kaede’s phone started buzzing. She slowed her playing down, trying to fade the song out as to not wake up Shuichi. 

 

“What now…” She groaned, until she saw the caller ID. It was Maki.

 

“Hello-”

 

“Check your texts. I just sent you an image. Look at it immediately.” Maki’s voice was rigid and laced with panic. Her tone worried Kaede so much, that she immediately ended the call to check her texts as per Maki’s instructions. 

 

Kaede was terrified as she scrolled through her messages until she reached Maki’s name. The image she had received was a screenshot of an email. The email was received by Maki, and the sender’s name was a weird, outlandish name that Kaede thought was quite strange. However, when she read the contents of the email, the weird name completely left her mind. Her heart stopped.

 

_ “Dearest Ruby (Or should I call you Maki Harukawa-chan?) _ _ ♡ _

 

_ It seems that your little friends are looking for my boss. It pains me that Lord Ouma wishes to be alone, but unfortunately for him, I happen to know exactly where he is (๑◔‿◔๑). His location will cost you a fee of course <3\. Do you care enough about Lord Ouma to save him?(ᅌᴗᅌ* ) _

 

_ Love, Patty Milk _ _ ♡” _

 


	2. Faster

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Just a few things I would like to address before you read. Well, you don’t need to read the notes, since it’s a lot, but I would appreciate it.  
> \- I was given an intervention, and now, I’m going to do everything in my power to respond to comments that aren’t just questions. I really want to show all of you guys how much I appreciate your comments, but I’m bad at talking to people, even on the internet. Please understand if my replies are awkward, but they’re genuine. Thank you all for the comments you leave on every chapter!  
> \- Someone I know in real life who reads this (hello lightning mctits, you owe me sun chips) asked me if there will be any smut in this story. After two uncomfortable attempts at writing smut in the past, I have found that it’s something that I’m not very comfortable with writing, so there will be no smut in this story. Even if I was okay with writing it, Kokichi might not be living long enough for us to see anything happen. Oops, did I just write that…?  
> \- Finally, my best friend (love you boo) drew me some 2% Patty Milk. She said I could post it with this chapter, and that she’ll be drawing some more art for this story in the future. That will be available for your eyes to worship at the end of this chapter.  
> \- A VERY IMPORTANT WARNING!!!: There is a somewhat graphic scene in this chapter. It’s nothing beyond what I am comfortable with writing, which means there is no removal of clothing, but for some, the scene could be triggering. Please proceed with caution. 
> 
> Thanks for reading that bullshit. On with the show!

Patty felt bad after sending such a vague email to Maki Harukawa, but they absolutely hated her, so this was her punishment. It wasn’t like Maki had done anything bad to them. Patty was just mad that it had taken them so long to realize that “Ruby” was just her codename. They hated being in the dark about information as simple as names. If the subject matter wasn’t so serious, Patty would’ve made the email even more vague, but out of respect for the individual the email was supposed to be saving, Patty didn’t take their anger to the extremes. Yes, it’s true. The incarnation of an actual dick, the manipulative sadist known as Patty Milk, respected someone. That someone was Kokichi Ouma. It was Kokichi Ouma that pulled Patty out of their boring world. 

The world for Patty Milk had become horribly boring around their second year at Hope’s Peak Academy.

As the Ultimate Information Broker, a title that Patty still thought was ridiculous, they felt compelled to know absolutely everything. They knew everything about their classmates, from their addresses, to their favorite foods, to all the bad things they’ve ever done. Patty knew that sweet-as-pie Chisa Yukizome, the Ultimate Housekeeper, once scared a girl out of going to Kyosuke Munakata’s birthday party in middle school. Speaking of that white-haired prick, Juzo Sakakura, The Ultimate Boxer, practically presented his ass to Kyosuke every time Kyosuke did as much as breathe or pick his nose. And as for Kyosuke himself… the amount of underhanded tactics he’s used to get his way was quite baffling for someone deemed the Ultimate Class President. Ah, but Patty loved Kyosuke, and highly valued his existence. Maybe that was only because one of Kyosuke’s competitors paid Patty 50,000 for some petty secrets, but still.

Knowing everything got boring though. Sometimes, in a fit of boredom, Patty wished that some crazy person would come along and through the world into despair to actually make things interesting, but nothing like that ever happened. The only one of their classmates who didn’t turn terribly predictable was Naoki Suzuki, the Ultimate Surgeon. The surgeon’s unwavering confidence and loyalty to his friends was contrasted by his sharp tongue and passionate views, which got the surgeon into many, many fights that Patty absolutely LOVED to watch. This caused Patty to practically hang off of Naoki wherever they went, even if Naoki hated Patty with every fiber of his being. Patty knew they kind of deserved it, but did they care?

Eh, not really.

Naoki might’ve despised Patty, but Patty was always glad that they had spied on Naoki even into adulthood, because that was how they learned of D.I.C.E and all of it’s beautiful secrets. The selling point of D.I.C.E. for Patty was the unbelievable fact that such an efficient underground organization was lead by a kid just barely out of diapers. This was also the moment when Patty faced their first obstacle in the world of information. 

They couldn’t break through D.I.C.E.’s security. 

When they couldn’t bear staying in the dark any longer, they demanded that Naoki give them an audience with the leader. Naoki said no at first, but after Patty exercised their secondary talents as the Ultimate Obnoxious Asshat, Naoki gave in and set up a meeting between Patty and this mysterious prepubescent leader. 

It was a meeting that Patty would remember for the rest of their life, and that wasn’t because they enjoyed it or anything.

But because they were humiliated.

They were told to meet the Supreme Leader at a furry convention, which was Patty’s first clue that they weren’t going to like this kid. They found the Supreme Leader in an isolated corner of the convention center, wearing cat ears and humming as he cut colored paper into squares. The area around him was littered with paper scraps, glitter glue, and whittled-down crayons. 

“The legendary leader that I’ve heard so much about is a four year old furry doing arts and crafts in the midst of thousands of people in animal costumes. I don’t think I’ve ever been more disappointed in my life.” Patty groaned. 

Their insults didn’t seem to reach the ears of the Supreme Leader, and he just continued coloring and cutting. “You just don’t seem to appreciate it.” Said the child. “These conventions are my favorite! You don’t get to see people this passionate about useless bullshit anywhere else in the world. The only places better than this are the Flat Earth Conventions.” He smiled devilishly. “Pro tip- go in a round earth costume, and watch the chaos ensue.” The kid pulled a large ticket with a flat map of the earth out of nowhere. He proceeded to throw it at Patty, who picked it off the floor and shoved in angrily into their pocket.

Patty crossed their arms. Was this kid being sassy with them? “You’re like, two. Kids shouldn’t swear, you brat.”

“And adults shouldn’t do drugs.”

“Who ever said I did drugs?” Patty retorted. 

“No one needed to tell me. Your face says it all. I mean, it looks like Dumbledore’s left nipple”

Okay. That was it. 

“I don’t do drugs, and I’m going to murder your shitty ass!” Patty screeched. “My face is beautiful, chiseled, soft, and symmetrical, and I could be a model if I wanted! Dumbledore would say that I look magically gorgeous! My face is so stunning that it blinded you and rewired your brain so that you can only tell lies, you hear?!!!”

The kid put down his scissors. “I’ve been telling lies since I knew how to talk. Your face didn’t do shit to me except disgust me.” He wrinkled his nose. “How did a decent human being like Naoki get to know and old hag like you, anyways?”

“I was his classmate at Hope’s Peak Academy. I’m the Ultimate Information Broker, which means I’m better than you. My name is Perpetually Milk, but for idiotic pea-brained farts like you who can’t comprehend a name as beautiful as mine, I go by Patty.”

The kid held up his hand to Patty. It was covered in glitter glue, and crayon dust caked his nails. “My name is Kokichi Ouma, I’m ten years old, and your comebacks are really sad.” 

Patty made a show of sanitizing their hands before and after shaking Kokichi’s hand out of nothing but pure spite. 

Patty watched in silence as Kokichi tore off a strip of tape with his teeth, proceeding to tape together all of the colored cards he had created. The paper squares were cut unevenly, and the use of the glitter glue was chaotic. Kokichi claimed to be ten years old, but what he had created was disgustingly juvenile for Patty’s tastes, like it had been made by a kindergartener. But what pissed Patty off even more was the fact that after the squares had been taped together, Kokichi tried to give the booklet-thing to Patty.

“Nuh-uh, get that away from me.” Patty insisted. 

Kokichi laughed and placed the booklet down in front of him. “Good call! I actually spit on this booklet before you got here! Did you see me do it?”

“You really are a child.” Patty sneered.

“And you really are an idiot. That was a lie. Besides, you’re the one who has glittery unicorn stickers stuck to your cheeks, and you’re trying to call me a child? Now take the booklet, or I’ll cut your hair off.” To show his resolve, Kokichi flashed his scissors at Patty with a creepy smile. Granted, they were kiddie scissors, but Patty had spent their whole life growing out their luscious blonde hair, and they weren’t going to take any chances. Tentatively, Patty reached out their arm to grab the booklet, opening it curiously.

Each page was filled with what looked like garbled nonsense and random facts, but weirdly enough, each page was titled ‘clue.’ 

“You want to join D.I.C.E., right? Naoki can see right through you.” Kokichi giggled. Patty narrowed his eyes.

“So what if I do? I just want to take it down from the inside, you know.”

“No, I don’t know. But I’m going to give you a chance to find the main headquarters. If you can locate the headquarters, you get to join.” Kokichi’s eyes glittered with mischief. “Only the best and the brightest can join my organization.”

Patty stared at the clues a little longer. There were riddles and games that would give answers, and it seemed that certain letters in the answer could be put together to form the location. However, Patty had no interest in something as useless as a scavenger hunt.

“Honey, I don’t need your clue book to find your little organization.” Patty boasted. “My information network is larger than any in the world. I’m sure that I have acquaintances in D.I.C.E. who are willing to give me everything they know in exchange for a pretty penny. Or… something else.” Patty licked their lips menacingly. “I can gather information in ways you can’t even imagine, sweetie.”

Kokichi wrinkled his nose. “You can’t pull that vague crap with me. I know stuff.” 

“You know a lot more than a ten-year-old should.” Patty noticed. The cursing, keeping up with Patty’s witty remarks, and even catching Patty’s perfectly crafted innuendo? How did-

“Naoki taught me everything I know!” Kokichi exclaimed.

…

“ExCUSE mE?!” Patty shouted. Naoki? Of all people, taught Kokichi all those swear words? Naoki taught Kokichi about… no way!

“That was a lie.”

“Oh.”

Kokichi jumped to his feet, dusting glitter and paper off of his pants and smiling angelically. “You aren’t going to get any information out of me! But even a liar like me can make promises, so here’s the deal.” Kokichi took the cat ears he was wearing off his head, placing them on Patty’s.

“Use everything I’ve given you to find D.I.C.E. headquarters. If you can find it in less than a month, I’ll give me my position as Supreme Leader. This would give you access to government powers worldwide, stock markets, businesses, and the underground. You would also get to be closer to Naoki~”

Patty couldn’t hold back their blush, but the rage building in their gut was unbearable. They pushed away the small purple-haired boy, before stomping down the hall. “You’re gonna wish you never said that, sweetie pie! I will DESTROY YOU!”

“You have fun with that, Perpetually-chan!”

Patty didn’t need to look behind them to know that Kokichi was smiling evilly.

The Ultimate Informant stormed out of the convention center, swiftly calling up a limo to whisk them away. The look the driver gave them when he saw Patty exiting a building full of people dressed in fur suits was a look Patty never wanted to see anyone give them. The ride home was silent, giving Patty ample time to nurse their anger.

When they arrived at Patty’s newest purchase, a luxurious Tokyo penthouse, not even the gorgeous view or the Persian rugs could snap Patty out of rage mode. When they reached their bedroom, they threw the cat ears on the ground, crumpled up the flat earth convention ticket, and with Kokichi’s snarky face embedded in their mind, Patty got to work. They couldn’t wait to see Kokichi’s face when they strode into the hideout to dethrone the brat. What they didn’t know, was that countless sleepless nights were ahead of them.

Three months.

It took the greatest information broker in the world three months to find a piece of information as insignificant as a location. Perpetually Patty Milk was a complete wreck by the time they found the location. They barely ever left their room, meals were scarcely eaten, and even Patty’s pet at the time, twin panther cubs, were completely ignored by the one who used to treat them with with the utmost care. The staff in their penthouse, who absolutely hated Patty, began to grow worried for the Ultimate Informant’s health.

But only something amazing could keep Patty occupied for longer than a week. 

“Amazing” was an understatement for the journey Patty took. 

The search for the headquarters was a giant puzzle crafted by Kokichi himself. Each page in that crudely made booklet was filled with a riddle that would lead Patty one step closer to their goal. Each new answer led to more twist and turns that captivated Patty and further immersed him in Kokichi’s mind games. In the matter of days, Patty’s search for the headquarters, a search once driven by rage and hatred, turned into one driven by respect for the creator.

Patty didn’t have a single doubt in his mind that Kokichi was a genius. 

The glorious euphoria that overtook Patty’s exhausted body when they wrote down their final answer was better than the satisfaction they experienced when they bought something new, or antagonized their acquaintances. Patty knew from the moment the Ultimate Brat known as Kokichi Ouma started talking that they wanted to join D.I.C.E., but joining the elusive organization was no longer an impulse.

It was an obsession.

“Mount Ishizuchi… Mount Ishizuchi, that’s in Shikoku, Shikoku… D.I.C.E. is in Shikoku…” Patty murmured, setting down their pen as they completed the last riddle in Kokichi’s booklet. Each of the answers to the riddle gave Patty a letter, and when put together… the letters spelled “Mount Ishizuchi.”

…

“Yamato, prepare a helicopter, STAT!!!” 

The scenery surrounding Mount Ishizuchi was breathtaking, and Patty would have been a lot more immersed in taking in the view if they weren’t so focused on scanning the mountain rage for inconsistencies.

Patty was an expert on hidden bases, seeing as they made a living by exposing them. There was no such thing as a perfectly hidden hideout. Even the ones who have regular access to the base need to recognize the entrance. That’s why Patty needed an inconsistency. Just one, small detail that was abnormal about the mountain range. Just one… small…

A gleam of metal.

“Down there.” Patty commanded, pointing to a clump of trees near the base of the mountain. “Put me down there.”

Patty jumped out of the helicopter, which was difficult for someone in four inch platform heels, but Patty didn’t give a damn about the pain. This is what they had been working towards for months. They would get to join D.I.C.E!

They dismissed the helicopter, running towards the metal they saw as fast as they could. As they got closer, the tiny gleam of metal turned into something much larger.

There was a massive steel door installed on the side of the mountain. The trees surrounding it were placed so perfectly that you would never have seen the door unless you were face to face with it, or just possessed the observational skills needed to understand that the steely gleam was unnatural. 

Now that Patty had found the door, there was just one problem- how the hell was Patty supposed to get inside?

There were no keypads or scanners for entry, but the other members had to have been getting in somehow…

Patty must’ve been examining that door for hours, but before they could find the secret to the door, the giant steel entrance opened on its own.

The door revealed a hangar filled with an obscene amount aircrafts and automobiles. There was even a few razor scooters and a purple hoverboard. But the contents of the massive garage didn’t interest Patty as much as who was waiting for them.

There, with Naoki standing at his side like a faithful dog, was the 10-year-old supreme leader, Kokichi Ouma, sitting cross-legged on a tank and sucking on a lollipop. In his hand was a tablet.

“Bzzt! Wrong place, Perpetually-chan! The search goes on!” Kokichi exclaimed

Patty could hardly believe their ears. “No… no way…”

“I was lying!”

Naoki regarded Patty with a surprised expression. “Wow, Patty, I’ve never seen you look worse.” He deadpanned, a smirk playing on his lips. “You have a falsie on your cheek, a Lisa Frank sticker in your hair, and I can’t tell if that’s blood or ketchup on your shirt-”

“I get it. You can stop now, booboo.” Patty groaned. 

Kokichi giggled at Naoki’s remarks. He waved around his tablet, chanting wildly, “Seriously, Perpetually-chan, I’ve been watching you poke and prod that door for at least twenty minutes. How long have you been here?”

Patty tried their best to put on their most confident persona for the tiny leader. “Not long, sweetie. I was just seeing how the door worked.” Technically not a lie, but still not the truth.

Kokichi just laughed at Patty’s answer. “Not long? Naoki, what time is it?”

Naoki looked down at his watch. “It’s 3:07 in the morning.” He smiled ever so slightly. “The tracker I had one of your bodyguards place on your helicopter signals that you arrived here exactly one hour and four minutes ago. I would say that’s pretty long.” 

“You made me answer a question you had the answer to?” Patty asked, feeling a little irritated. 

Kokichi and Naoki’s eyes met for a moment. Naoki shook his head exasperatedly, while Kokichi threw his head back in laughter. Patty stared at them in shock, completely and utterly lost.

“Look, I made it. I found your base. Do I get to join now? I sacrificed my beauty routine these past three months just so that I could find this hellhole. Look!” They grabbed a fistful of their golden hair, which lacked its normal luster. “I have SPLIT. ENDS.”

Kokichi hopped off the tank he was sitting on, seemingly unfazed by the fact that he was just resting atop of a machine of mass destruction. “About that. Three months, huh?” He swiped his finger across his tablet, sighing. “We have seven other people currently trying to find the base, and it’s been months since they’ve been given the opportunity to join. You did really well compared to them. But still….” His face contorted into something evil. “Not good enough to overthrow me!”

Patty tried to put aside the immense respect they held for the kid in a desperate attempt to fight back against Kokichi’s stinging remarks. “The test is impossible!” They cried. “I’m the best of the best at uncovering secrets, and this took me three months. The one-month time limit was way too restricting.”

“Unfortunately for you, you could’ve reached my headquarters in hours instead of months.” Kokichi walked up to Patty. The height difference was very, very obvious, with Patty standing at 6 foot 5 with the help of their heels, and Kokichi standing at a mere 4 foot six, but that didn’t stop Patty from feeling much, much tinier than Kokichi as the supreme leader stared at them with disappointment. 

“You didn’t listen to my instructions.”

“What do you mean?”

“I specifically instructed you to use every recourse I gave you to find the location.” Kokichi said. 

“I did! All you gave me was that puzzle booklet. I answered all the riddles, but they were the only resources you gave me were those riddles.” Patty argued.

“That’s not true. I gave you two other things that you could’ve used.” Kokichi said. “Do I really need to spell this out for you? Geez, fine.

“The cat ears and the convention ticket. The cat ears had the location name written inside one ear, and the password you have to shout at the door to open it written inside the other ear. The flat earth convention ticket had the location pinpointed on the picture of earth, and the convention center name on the ticket isn’t a convention center at all. It’s the password to the door, which is P-A-N-T-A. But you ignored both resources I provided for you.” Kokichi turned his back to Patty. “I set up everyone in my organization for success. All they have to do is use their brains to make use of what I provide. You were unable to do that. Therefore…” He looked over his shoulder, eyes filled with a burning fire. “You are not fit to be apart of the best and the brightest. D.I.C.E. doesn’t need an ultimate that doesn’t deserve the title.”

Patty could hear the crack of their heart breaking in two. All that work was for nothing? Was Kokichi right about them not deserving their title as an ultimate? Were they… really not as smart as they thought they were? They ran a hand through their messy hair. “Bested by a ten year old-”

“I’m eleven now, so shut the fuck up.”

“Whatever! Me, Perpetually Milk… the greatest Ultimate to come from Novelisc, the pride of my country and the lord of the underworld… tricked by a kid…”

“Stop complaining. Fortunately for you, I was lying about the last part.” 

“Huh?”

Kokichi climbed atop the tank again, crossing his legs. “You were naive to not make use of what I gave you, but I like you. You’re a sadistic, materialistic, bitchy genius, but honestly, D.I.C.E. needs more fun personalities like yours.” Kokichi praised. He pointed a finger in Naoki’s direction. “Mr. Stoic here was the one who convinced me to let you in, so you should thank him later.”

“I am NOT stoic!” Naoki raged. The Ultimate Surgeon dug around in his lab coat’s pocket, pulling out a brand-new checkered scarf. He held it up to Patty. “Don’t get the wrong idea. I hate your guts, but your skills are greatly needed for the brat’s next project, so get this scarf on and come with us.”

“Welcome to D.I.C.E., Perpetually-chan!”

The emotions Patty was feeling at that moment were too complicated for Patty to truly understand. They were utterly humiliated from falling for Kokichi’s trick with the cat ears and convention ticket, but the happiness they felt upon hearing those glorious words of acceptance from Kokichi washed away the humiliation almost entirely. 

Even after being in the organization for a few years, Patty couldn’t quite forget those words. Kokichi was their idol. Granted, the brat wasn’t the greatest role model to have, but Patty was proud of their shared sarcastic traits and shitty disposition. D.I.C.E. didn’t require Patty to change their personality to fit into the group better. Some people hated them, but others found Patty interesting. Patty was sure they would’ve never gotten an opportunity to find accepting people without the existence of D.I.C.E.

Maybe that was why it hurt Patty to see Kokichi so… dead.

Patty wasn’t an idiot. The moment Kokichi walked into their office with a rasp in his voice and a petal clinging to his cape, Patty knew that Kokichi was suffering from hanahaki. Patty couldn’t trust anyone Kokichi knew. One of them was the perpetrator making Kokichi hurt. When Patty’s old assassin “friend,” Tenko Chabashira, and the weird robot thing pranced into Patty’s office, demanding to know where the D.I.C.E. headquarters were, Patty decided to kill two birds with one stone. By handing them over to Naoki, Patty would gain brownie points from the surgeon while also destroying people who were making Kokichi’s life a mess. They certainly didn’t expect Naoki to whisk the three intruders away to the base. It confused them, and compelled them to learn what made Naoki trust them so much.

Patty watched the entire trial the class held from security cameras in the classroom. They were stunned by the passion the students put into finding Kokichi’s crush. Patty was devastated when they saw Kokichi wake from their sleep to sneak out of the classroom, but there was nothing they could do. However, the footage had given Patty ample time to learn to trust Kokichi’s classmates. 

Patty had known Kokichi for a while now. They knew the kid from way back when his purple hair still reached his waist, before he cut it. They had practically watched him grow up. The effects of Kokichi’s death on Patty would be catastrophic, and Patty barely felt any emotions besides anger and pride, so that was saying a lot. Not only that, but the modern world would crumble following Kokichi’s death. Without the sixteen-year-old’s orders to follow, governing systems with shatter, and society would fall apart. Whatever happened, Kokichi needed to live.

It had been an hour since Patty sent the email to Maki Harukawa, and all they had left to do was wait. They wished they could rush out of their hotel and into the city to save Kokichi, but they weren’t what Kokichi needed. Kokichi needed kids his age. Kokichi needed that Shuichi boy. 

Suddenly, the door to Patty’s office burst open, and four students came rushing in. Patty recognized them as Kaede Akamatsu, Shuichi Saihara, and Maki Harukawa, who was pulling along a sleepy Kaito Momota. 

“Ah… Speak of the devil.” Patty giggled. 

Shuichi placed a hand on Patty’s desk. “Tell us where Kokichi is… right now.”

“Calm down, sweetheart. I have the information.” Said Patty, who folded their hands together eagerly, and also in an attempt to hide their nervousness.  
“Now shall we negotiate?”  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
The streets were cold.

Alleys were cold. 

Kokichi was cold.

He hadn’t felt so cold in a long time. Cold meant someone was dead. Cold meant that his parents were dead. Cold meant that his sister was dead. Cold meant that Kokichi was without a home. Cold meant that Kokichi was dying.

He wove his fingers together, shivering at the icy shock that traveled throughout his body. Kokichi was cold.

Kokichi might as well have been dead. 

It had been about a day since Kokichi hid himself in an alleyway. 

“Hello there… are you lost?”

Kokichi craned his neck to hear the voice. It was a man he had never seen before. He was bald with a unkempt beard, and he was dressed in ratty clothing. He smelled like he hadn’t been washed in weeks. Everything about him screamed “danger!” But Kokichi didn’t have the strength to say anything back to him.

The man smiled. His creepy grin sent shivers down Kokichi’s spine. 

“Where are your parents? Are they around.” The man’s eyes scanned the vicinity, and after finding no one around, the grin returned.

“Little boys your age shouldn’t be out on their own.”

There was another meaning behind his words. An underlying message, that Kokichi could grasp, but didn’t want to acknowledge. He wanted to run from this man. This man, and his predatory eyes, glaring at Kokichi like the broken boy was easy prey. This man, and his canine teeth, eroded and yellow, turning his smile into one that terrified Kokichi. Kokichi couldn’t move his legs. He couldn’t move. His throat was too damaged to speak, his jaw was too tense to move, and his hands were too tired to fight.

“Don’t be scared of me.” The man looked around again. “I can make you feel better. Like how your mommy is. I’ll treat you with love until we find her.”

The man was touching Kokichi. That man’s foul, dirt-caked hands were weaving through Kokichi’s hair. Those evil fingers cupped Kokichi’s cheek, the gentle strokes feeling anything but gentle. A tear escaped from Kokichi’s eye. He wanted to go home. There were no men like this at home. Kokichi shut his eyes, trying to block the man’s face out of his memory.

To his utter horror, the man’s slobbery tongue licked the salty tears off of Kokichi’s cheek. “Now, there’s no need to cry, little fella.” His sour breath invaded Kokichi’s senses, the heat unwanted and unwelcome. 

“Call me… Daddy.”

As if the kissing on the lips wasn’t bad enough.

The taste spreading throughout Kokichi’s mouth was a putrid mixture of vodka and vomit. Kokichi’s first kiss. The moment Kokichi dreamed about having with Shuichi, stolen by a creep who got off on kids. Kokichi squirmed and struggled, but to the man, his fighting must’ve been nothing more than twitching. 

Kokichi couldn’t push the man off of him.

Kokichi couldn’t push this man off him.

The man’s lips moved down to his neck, violating his skin even more. God, Kokichi felt so violated. This felt so wrong, it was wrong, but he couldn’t move..!

…

What was the point of fighting back?

That thought raced through Kokichi’s head with every weak beat of his heart, with every obscene noise the other man made. Kokichi had no strength. Kokichi had no hope. Shuichi wasn’t coming to save him. 

Kokichi had no will to live.

His head rolled back, and he stared at the sky. He counted the clouds, ignoring the pain flaring up on his neck, until his vision blurred. The clouds were gone. His world was a blur of buildings and blue. The sky was really, really blue.

Just like a forget-me-not.  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The city was a maze, and though the instructions Patty Milk had given Shuichi and his friends were clear, the adrenaline pulsing through his veins made it hard to think calmly about the situation they were in.

“Listen up.” Patty had said. “Four hours ago, a member of D.I.C.E. reported seeing someone who looked a lot like Lord Ouma huddled in an alleyway near that cafe near Yanagi Park. I told him not to approach Lord Ouma, but upon further investigation, that person is Lord Ouma, and by the looks of him, he doesn’t have very much time left.”

“If you know where he is, why aren’t you chasing after him? Why aren’t you saving him?!” Shuichi cried.

Patty stood from their desk, towering over Shuichi. “He doesn’t want to see me. He doesn’t want to see anyone but you, Shuichi. So hurry; hurry and save him.”

“What about the charge? You said we had to give you something in return for Ouma’s life, so what do you want?”

“Kaito, shut up! If they’re not demanding anything, then we can leave without being charged!” Maki exclaimed.

“No, hold on, you do owe me something.” Patty had insisted. “In exchange for my information, you have to promise me that you’ll bring Kokichi back alive.”

So that’s what Shuichi was doing. He was hurrying, running faster than he ever had in his life. He was lucky that he was with a professional assassin and a trained astronaut, or else they wouldn’t have been able to keep up. Kaede, on the other hand…

“Just… just go!!!” She huffed, hands on her knees and cheeks flushed from the exercise. She wasn’t used to running long distances at such a speed. Granted, Shuichi wasn’t either, but he would deal with the physical effects after the adrenaline wore off. Shuichi nodded in understanding, sprinting around the corner with Maki and Kaito in hot pursuit. 

They weaved around pedestrians, legs pumping and breathing labored. Shuichi was really starting to feel the burn, but he didn’t care. He wasn’t allowed to pass out, and he wasn’t allowed to fall. As long as he had that in mind, Shuichi could do anything he wanted… even if his logic was feeble.

Faster. Shuichi needed to run faster. 

They rounded a building, the park and cafe in sight. The cafe was sandwiched between two buildings, and on the right side of the cafe, there was a small stretch of darkness. That was where Kokichi was. Kokichi was there. 

Shuichi ran faster.

In his mind, Shuichi was imagining a scene where he ran up to Kokichi with open arms, and upon seeing him, Kokichi would jump into his embrace. They would kiss, and everything would be okay. Kokichi would know that Shuichi cares, and everything would be okay again. Everything would be okay… okay…

Shuichi was not prepared to see Kokichi.

Kokichi’s eyes were blank and dead. He lay limp against the wall of the alley, not even batting an eye at the foul man who was nibbling against his neck. Tear lines decorated his cheeks, and his lips and chin were stained with blood.

Was that… really Kokichi?

No, more importantly…

“Get the hell OFF OF HIM!!!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.instagram.com/p/BgarY5hjVJA/?taken-by=forrias
> 
> Thank you to my awesome friend for drawing Patty!


	3. Finally

_Dear Diary,_

 

_Is that what people who write in diaries say? It kind of weirds me out that some guys treat bound-together pieces of paper as a sentient being that can understand all the shit that they’re saying, but hey. Here I am, writing in a diary._

 

_Naoki got me a therapist. I told him I didn’t need one, but he got me one anyways. I guess it was my fault. I lost control of my emotions in front of him. He asked me why I looked so tired, so I told him to suck a dick and I threw my binder at him. I guess the strain of this whole hanahaki thing is getting to me. I’ve had it for two weeks now, and as the days pass, I feel like I’m getting more emotional, as if I wasn’t already emotional enough._

 

_Sometimes, I look in the mirror and ask myself, “who are you, really?” I’ve told so many lies, that I’m not sure who I am anymore. I hope that in writing in this diary, even though I’m being forced, I’ll be able to look inside myself and be able to ask myself questions, and I’ll know the answers. Those answers won’t just be impulsive lies, but the truth._

 

_The more I think about it though, the more I realize that this diary probably isn’t going to hold much about me._

 

_It’ll be about him, my beloved. When did I start using such cheesy language, I wonder? Well, the one I love is like a stoic detective right out of a romance novel. He’s a little emo, but it’s kind of cute. For the longest time, I never thought I would ever learn what love was. My sister taught me that love doesn’t exist, but maybe… she’s wrong. Is this what love is? That overwhelming desire to just cup his beautiful face and hold him close to me? No, no one should be close to me. I’m getting off track. This isn’t me. Supreme Leaders don’t have stupid emotions like this. This diary thing is fucking stupid._

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

In a helicopter hundreds of feet in the air, a well-built man with minty green hair, black eyes, and a disheveled lab coat was frantically punching the screen of his phone. He held the phone up to his ear, and started screaming to a androgynus, smooth-skinned creature with golden hair and a worrisome expression that didn’t match the stickers on their cheeks.

 

“Ya promised you would watch over him! I give you all the intelligence and freedom in the world, and you let him run off?”

 

“I sent his classmates after him. The boy he likes went with them, so this should all be solved-”

 

“Solved? What, do you really think that Kokichi’s just gonna take that boy’s confession let everything die down? First off, I doubt Kokichi will believe that Shuichi’s confession is genuine, since Kokichi can’t get it through his thick fucking skull that anyone cares about him.”

 

“I saw the boy’s resolve. The love in his eyes was fresh and recently-realized, but passionate and true. Kokichi would be an idiot to not see that.”

 

“Yeah, well, Kokichi’s dying, losing blood at an alarming rate, and a massive  idiot, so I can’t see how anything you just said is a valid point.”

 

“Naoki… how much time does Kokichi have left?”

 

“....”

 

“Naoki?”

 

“He has less than 24 hours left.”

 

Naoki could hear a slight whimper coming from the other end of the line.

 

“You’re not talking with your usual spunk, Patty.”

 

“C-can you blame me? … Does he really only have 24 hours? ”

 

“Give or take. From the pictures you sent, he probably has even less. When did you take those pictures?”

 

“About five hours ago.”

 

“Then Kokichi has even less time than we thought.” Naoki growled, looking outside the helicopter. “There’s a good chance that Kokichi will die before the boy or me can even reach him.”

 

“You’re heading over?”

 

“Yeah. I’ll be at the cafe in six hours.” Naoki’s steely gaze scanned the horizon as the helicopter soared over tree-filled mountains. “I’m praying that I can reach him in time. If he’s still alive, I’m going to perform the surgery.”

 

“Since when have you started praying?”

 

“Since praying became my only option. Though, it wouldn’t surprise me if all the gods and angels in this world abandoned the kid. The amount of shit he’s lived through is coming down to this final moment. It comes down to whether or not the kid will finally open his heart up to love, instead of turning his back to everyone who cares about him.”

 

“Do you think he can do it?”

 

“I’m… really not sure.”

 

“You have to save him. I can’t do anything more, but you can at least save his life.”

 

“...Against direct orders, which puts my position as his right-hand man at risk, but that hardly matters.” Naoki paused. “Patty, what are we going to tell D.I.C.E. if Kokichi dies?”

 

“We’d have to lessen the damage as much as possible. The sudden fall of someone as influential as Kokichi would shatter D.I.C.E. and then the world. For as long as we could, we would need to pretend that Kokichi still alive, and then pass off his power peacefully and quietly. An abrupt change would ruin everything.”

 

“Now you sound more like yourself.”

 

“Dealing with people and their innerworkings is my specialty. But only you can heal them and save their lives.”

 

Naoki ran his fingers through his hair, digging his nails into his scalp. He tried to use the pain as a means of drowning out the onslaught of nostalgic memories that was hitting him like a tidal wave. Memories of him with Kokichi; his first friend, a genius boy who naoki thought of as his own son. Kokichi, a boy who felt more than he could bear to show, and suffered the consequences of holding in his emotions. Kokichi, a boy who deserved more love and kindness than Naoki could ever afford to show… and he was going to die from a lack of it.

 

To Naoki, Kokichi’s death would be like a parent losing a child.

 

“I hope that he can be saved before it comes down to that.”

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Shuichi’s vision had clouded over with red clouds of boiling hot anger. Everything in his tiny world had gone silent. The only people that remained where Shuichi, Kokichi, and whatever it was Shuichi was pummeling to the ground. He could only taste blood. Everything was numb with the exception of the small windows of time where his fists would make contact with squishy flesh.

 

Every punch he threw was backed by all of the anger that had been building up in Shuichi’s gentle heart. The anger he felt when he saw that suffering woman weeks prior. Screaming, coughing, desperate, dying. She was dead, buried deep underground where the flowers could no longer touch her. Shuichi’s knuckles connected to cracking bone, and Kokichi’s plastic smiles popped up one by one. Each one ignored by Shuichi, and he called himself a fucking detective? Shuichi let out a feral scream, exerting more energy than his body could handle, but the anger covered up any sign of exhaustion. Anger spanning from the very moment Shuichi’s heart cracked in two at the sight of Kokichi lying helpless on the floor of the classroom, surrounded in his own blood.

 

Shuichi was gentle.

 

Shuichi was a man of routine.

 

Shuichi liked doing things orderly, neatly, efficiently, and yet, there he was, about to murder a pedophile in an alleyway, as the love of his life lie dying just feet away. Drowning out the cries of Kaito and Maki, who were currently trying to stop a few curious onlookers from going anywhere near Shuichi. Shuichi’s movements were sporadic and zombie-like. Not gentle. Far from routinely.

 

“I- Wasn’t doing- Anything to him- ARGH!”

 

“I know what I saw, you BASTARD!” Shuichi screeched, ignoring the shouts of Kaito and Maki. Kaede had finally caught up, and the moment she saw Shuichi, she raced towards him in an attempt to pull him off of the old man. Shuichi barely noticed she was there, and he easily overpowered her. It wasn’t until Kokichi slumped to the floor that Shuichi was snapped out of his rampage.

 

“KOKICHI!!!” Shuichi yelled, racing to Kokichi’s side to prop him up.

 

The purple-haired boy had passed out. He had a horrible fever, he was shivering, and Shuichi felt like he was reliving the terrifying moment in the classroom all over again, except this time, he knew that Kokichi was dying.

 

And he knew that it was his fault.

 

Unsure of what do do, Shuichi sniffed back his tears and slowly rocked Kokichi in his arms like a baby. From what had just happened, Kokichi deserved to be babied. Kokichi deserved the world, and all the love the world could provide… and all the world that Shuichi could provide. But not this. Kokichi didn’t deserve this degenerative disease. Kokichi didn’t deserve to be alone. Kokichi didn’t deserve to be preyed on by a filthy demon of a creature-

 

“Saihara?”

 

Shuichi pulled Kokichi closer to his chest, before looking up to see Maki running over to him, her phone in hand. “I just received a call from Patty- Naoki will be over in about three hours. They say that Kokichi doesn’t have much time left…”

 

Shuichi was silent. As of now, there were three outcomes of this situation that he could see: one, where Shuichi is able to convince Kokichi that he loves him and Kokichi is cured, two, where Kokichi’s surgeon is able to arrive before Kokichi dies to perform the surgery, removing Kokichi’s feelings in the process, or three… where the surgeon doesn’t arrive on time and Shuichi fails to help Kokichi, and Kokichi dies, his last moments being of abuse and what he believes to be a cruel lie.

 

Shuichi’s heart dropped at the thought of the second or third options coming true. He needed to help Kokichi fast. At most, Kokichi probably had a few hours remaining in his life.

 

Death was coming for him.

 

“Harukawa-san, please take Kaito and Akamatsu-san and leave me with Ouma-kun. I need to be the only one with him right now.”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“Posititive.”

 

Maki hesitated for a second, but she complied. “We’ll make sure no one enters the alleyway. Good luck… and please save him. I still need to apologize to him.”

 

With that, she turned around and ushered Kaito and Kaede out of the alleyway, leaving only Shuichi with Kokichi.

 

It was time.

 

“Ouma-kun…”

 

The fragile boy did not reply.

 

“Ouma-kun… Ouma-kun… Ouma-kun, Ouma-kun, _Kokichi_ , please…” Shuichi had his hand on Kokichi’s tiny shoulders, gentle shaking him to try and elicit a response. Kokichi was like a ragdoll under Shuichi’s grasp. His eyes were glassy and hollow. His lips, chapped, slightly parted and quietly taking in air. Kokichi was alive.

 

Barely.

 

Shuichi pulled Kokichi into a soft, warm hug. He pulled the Supreme Leader’s chest against his own, rejoicing with every beat of Kokichi’s heart, and resisting the urge to kiss Kokichi right then and there. He couldn’t shock the poor boy… but damn, did he want to kiss him.

 

Kokichi’s eyes fluttered closed, and slowly opened again. His gaze was pained and overcome with emotion at the sight of Shuichi. His pupils were dilated to the point that Shuichi could barely make out the gentle violet sea that was his eyes.

 

Kokichi opened his mouth.

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

_“Dear Diary,_

 

_My name is Kokichi Ouma_

 

_I am sixteen years old._

 

_...The first thing I tried to write next was “I like grape Panta,” but I can’t help but wonder if that’s a lie too. I remember thinking to myself that a part of my character was liking sweet things. I drink Panta because it is sweet. Do I really like sweet things? Or am I just tricking myself into liking it? Why can’t anything about me be genuine?_

 

_I am built on lies. With my lies, I rule the world. I control the masses with puppet strings. I can do anything. I am unlimited._

 

_Without my lies, I’m dying. I’m an emotionless puppet. I am apart of the masses attached to my own strings. Without my eyes, I’m finally telling the truth. The truth is… that I am nothing. I’m an empty shell._

 

_But… oh god… now I’m filled with flowers and love and new emotions that I can’t understand. He’s making me feel and it’s cutting me open and tearing me apart. He devours my thoughts and destroys my heart with every smile. He makes me bleed and bleed and bleed until I get too light-headed to stand and everything hurts so bad. He makes my cry, slitting my eyes and sucking the tears that I tucked so far away out into the open. They scorch my face and burn my cheeks and stain my lips and I look like a monster. I’m so madly in love with this man that I’ve ripped my heart out of my chest with my bare bloody hands. Everything is bloody. I’m a monster._

 

_My eyes are red._

 

_My lips are chapped and covered in blood._

 

_I don’t want to look at myself anymore._

 

_I covered the mirror. I wrote “monster” in big letters so I can stop looking at a lie in the mirror and start accepting the truth._

 

_My name is Kokichi Ouma._

 

_I’m 16 years old._

 

_I am a monster._

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

“Go away…”

 

“Shh, don’t talk.” Shuichi soothed. He cradled Kokichi’s head in his arms, running his fingers through Kokichi’s tangled purple locks. Since when had purple become Shuichi’s favorite color?

 

“I’m g-good at talking…”

 

“I know, I know… but it’s a waste of your energy.”

 

“You… you’re Shuichi…. Saihara-chan…”

 

“That’s right, I’m Saihara. You’re here with me. You’re safe. You’re safe with me.”

 

“Y-you weren’t supposed to know.”

 

“You shouldn’t have hidden this from us, Ouma-kun, everyone in the class wants to help you. I want to help you-!”

 

“Don’t lie to me.”

 

“I’m not lying.”

 

“Fuck off.”

 

“I’m not going anywhere.”

 

Tears streamed down Kokichi’s face. He placed a feeble hand on his neck, trying to hide the bruise the old man had left on his sickly pale skin. “I hate you. I h-hate you… I hate you… no one l-l-loves you…”

 

Kokichi was using his old strategies again to distance himself from Shuichi. Shuichi knew this, and no amount of insulting could ever steer Shuichi away from his goal of saving Kokichi. Even then, it pained Shuichi to see Kokichi so depressed. He was shivering, and his skin was cold and bruised from the nasty advances of the old man. Shuichi lifted Kokichi into his lap and held him even tighter than before.

 

“I said… that I HATE YOU!!” Kokichi screamed. His voice cracked, and his fragile frame shook with grief and anguish. Every word that left his lips dripped with venom and pain. He was in so much pain.

 

Shuichi held him tighter.

 

“I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE you… I… hate you…” Kokichi sobbed. “Why? W-why are you holding m-me so tightly? Why are y-you cradling a MONSTER?” He was shaking so violently. His frail fists pounded against Shuichi’s chest. Strikingly blue forget-me-nots and roses the color of anger and passion tumbled from his mouth with every cry, bathed in blood and evidence of Kokichi’s torture. The torture that Shuichi caused for being so damn blind-!

 

“Breathe, Ouma-kun, please breathe. Take a deep breath.”

 

“No! No…”

 

Shuichi made him warmer.

 

“Ouma-kun, everyone in the class loves you, and they’re working hard to save your life. We will save your life, because you are our friend, not a monster. You are not a monster. You were never a monster.”

 

“L-love is fake. People can say t-they love you all they want…. but in the end, the o-only love anyone carries is love of t-t-themselves.”

 

“Do you really believe that? Even with me right here? Are you really going to say that?”

 

Kokichi’s glassy eyes looked helplessly up at Shuichi’s. He looked like he wanted to say something, but he didn’t then again, Shuichi had a feeling that he knew what Kokichi wanted to say. Three words, forming a confession, but Kokichi was too scared. He had a right to be scared…

 

Shuichi was scared too, but he couldn’t afford to be scared. If Kokichi couldn’t find the strength to do it, then he would.

 

“How can you say that… when I love you?”

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_Dear Diary,_

 

_My name is Kokichi Ouma! I’m four years old, and I’m really excited! I was on Mommy’s computer the other day. When no one’s home, I go on the computer and read books. No one likes to read to me because they don’t like to read, but I like to read, so I read books. Reading teaches me to spell and write, and I learned a bunch of new words today, so I decided to write a diary! The main character in the book I was reading wrote a diary. They started it with “dear diary,” which I thought was kind of funny. Hi diary! Can you hear me? I have a lot of exciting things I want to talk about!_

 

_I can’t write much, since Mommy’s coming home soon, and she hits me when I do things without ~~permison~~ permission. It hurts, but she does it because she loves me. Speaking of love, I learned what love is today! In the book I was reading the ~~pratognist~~ protagonist falls in love with her classmate. She says that her heart races, and she wants to protect them She says it’s the best feeling in the world._

 

_That’s how I feel about my family! I love my family so much, but the protagonist’s love is ~~difrent~~ different. The boy she likes is like her hero. She says it’s different from family love. I wonder what it’s like? When I fall in love like her someday, will the girl I like love me back? Will we ride off into the sunset? Will I get a ~~hapili~~ happily ever after like she does? I want to feel close to someone. I don’t feel close to anyone right now. My sister is distant. My brothers don’t really like me. Mommy and Daddy ignore me. But that’s okay._

 

_Love isn’t painful. Love doesn’t hurt you. Love will never hurt me!_

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

“YOU’RE LYING!!!” Kokichi screamed. He released himself from Shuichi’s grip. He curled up into a ball, clutching his knees and rocking back and forth. His breathing sped up, and the blood flowing from the corners of his mouth was heavier than ever before. “D-don’t lie to me… please d-don’t lie to m-me… I hate you… I hate you s-so much…”

 

“Kokichi… please-“

 

“Heh, what am I saying? I’M THE MONSTER HERE! YOU’RE WRONG! I was always a monster!!! You can’t love me, it’s impossible, impossible…!!” He cried, his expression contorting into one of sick humor. His chest heaved and forget-me-nots fluttered in the air as Kokichi laughed… and laughed…

 

“You should leave Shuichi. You should leave a-and never think about me again. Look at me.” Kokichi smiled wide, and the tears spilled faster. “My eyes are red. There’s b-blood on my face. I let a disgusting pedophile crawl all over me, and I can’t do anything but laugh! Isn’t that hilarious? YOU CAN’T LOVE ME, YOU LIAR!!”

 

Shuichi shook his head. “Kokichi., look at me.” He took Kokichi’s hand, running his fingers over Kokichi’s smooth skin and rigid knuckles. Those intelligent, flamboyant hands that were virtually lifeless in Shuichi’s grasp. Shuichi pressed his forehead to Kokichi’s.

 

“I was blind to my own feelings. I ignored them, passed them off as curiosity, and diverted my attention elsewhere, but I swear it will never happen again. I’m not letting you go. I’m not going to let anyone touch you. I’m not going to let you get hurt.” He traced the bandages that wrapped around Kokichi’s finger from he cut himself with the knife while playing the knife game.

 

“I won’t let you feel pain anymore, but you have to believe in me. You have to believe me when I say that I love you.”

 

“Everything’s… so blurry… Please… don’t lie to me like this…”

 

Shuichi ignored his own helpless sobbing, choosing to softly massage Kokichi’s hands, just to give him as much relief as possible.

 

“N-not when I love you so much…”

 

…

 

Finally.

 

“Shuichi?! Shuichi!!?”

 

Kokichi suddenly started clawing at Shuichi’s back. His movements were weak, but frantic and desperate. “Are you still here? Is this you?”

 

“Kokichi, what’s going on?”

 

“I can’t see! I can’t see you, I can’t hear you- Is that your voice? Am I going insane? Shuichi, please tell me that this is you-”

 

Kokichi’s time was almost up. That was what this situation was telling Shuichi. The clawing soon stopped, and Kokichi was

 

“Shuichi, I love you! I love you, just come back! Don’t leave me! Where are you? Why did you leave me?” Forget-me-nots, more forget-me-nots and roses than Shuichi had ever seen in his life, shot out from Kokichi’s lips, riding on waves of dark blood. Kokichi couldn’t move. “Shuichi, please! Please, please, please!!”

 

Hanahaki Disease. A rare condition that turns unrequited love into flowers. Shuichi had been face to face with a number of psychopaths and serial killers, yet none of them could compare to the cruelty of hanahaki. Shuichi was in love with Kokichi. He had confessed, he fucking confessed his love, but the disease persevered. The proud, strong, Ultimate Supreme Leader known as Kokichi Ouma had been reduced to skin and bones, curled up in the fetal position in a pool of his own blood, his body slowly quickly shutting down and taking his sight and senses with it. He thought he was alone.

 

Kokichi thought Shuichi had left him.

 

The dam

 

                                   In Shuichi’s heart.

 

                                                                        Shattered.

 

Shuichi’s heart pounded.

 

And pounded.

 

And pounded.

 

He took a breath.

 

He wiped Kokichi’s tears, before wiping his own.

 

He took Kokichi’s face in his hands.

 

This beautiful… beautiful boy.

 

Shuichi ignored the blood on Kokichi’s lips. He ignored Kokichi’s puffy red eyes, and spiteful words. He ignored Kokichi’s claims that he hated him. He ignored that the boy in his hands had less than a minute left to live.

 

A minute

 

59 seconds…

 

58 seconds…

 

And despite all of this.

 

Despite knowing that the love of his life was dying.

 

No, because he knew that the love of his life was dying,

 

Shuichi pressed his lips to Kokichi’s.

 

_“Dear Diary,_

_I am in love with Shuichi Saihara."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure how I feel about this chapter. I re-wrote it four times, and I still feel like it's missing something. At the same time, I cried while writing it, so I think it gets the message across pretty well. I need to work on my formatting though oof.
> 
> Anyways, my friend drew Naoki. It's a beaut. 
> 
> https://www.instagram.com/p/BgslzLplW_S/?hl=en
> 
> Also, thank you to those who drew this fic FANART? I NEVER THOUGHT THIS WOULD HAPPEN!!!! If you're okay with me tagging your fanart in the notes so everyone can see it, please tell me!
> 
> Ok I'm running on -2 days of sleep so good night.


	4. Faith

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was fueled by the Hamilton soundtrack, my overwhelming desire to write shitty poetry, red velvet cupcakes, and my constant need for validation. Thank you so much for the amazing people who have drawn this fic fanart. I tear up a lil’ bit every time.

_ At first, Kokichi’s world was filled with bullets. _

 

He heard the gunshots from when he was four. Each was distinct.

 

Distant from each other.

 

Murdering his sister.

 

Picking off his brothers. 

 

Plucking his parents from their house like petals. His father and his mother smothered in blood in their broken home, withering away.

 

Like petals.

 

Petals. Soft to the touch, yet tougher than any metal. Louder than any shot. More destructive than any bullet.

 

Kokichi’s petals ricocheted throughout his body where they morphed into his words, shooting off lies like bullets. Lies like the bullet that embedded itself in his arm when he was nine. A bittersweet bullet. A bullet that almost bled him to death but introduced him to Naoki, the best man in Kokichi’s blood-stained childhood. He bandaged his wounds and kept him alive, ignoring his lies and becoming his ally.

 

Naoki put aside his own life to save a monster

 

Naoki stayed by his side and made him stronger.

 

Naoki abandoned everything to travel hundreds of miles to where Kokichi had collapsed in a classroom. He begged Kokichi to get the surgery and  _ persevered when Kokichi turned him down over and over and yet he was coming for him again and again- _

 

-He was always there.

 

Did he really care?

 

Kokichi’s sight was fading. His senses were numbing and

 

everything was numbing

 

And his voice was gone.

 

He shouted for Shuichi, he didn’t want to be left alone. 

 

Shuichi cared right? 

 

No. Kokichi was doomed to be alone. Without a home.

 

Disowned with no friend to call his own.

 

Destined to lie and be lied to until he was reduced to bones. Designed to be nothing more than an enigma on a tungsten throne, deliberately cutting everyone out of his life because he couldn’t come to terms with how truly delicate he was. He was a monster trapped in a fragile glass body, damaged, disgusting, deceitful, dirty,  _ detestful- demonic- disturbed- _

 

**Desperate.**

 

If Kokichi had one wish before he died, he would have liked to give a bouquet of flowers to Shuichi.

 

A bouquet almost as beautiful as Shuichi. Flowers as blue as Shuichi’s hair when it’s exposed to sunlight. Flowers as gold as Shuichi’s eyes when they light up with a new idea. Their stems as long and elegant as Shuichi’s eyelashes, their leaves open and inviting like Shuichi’s hands. 

 

…. Kokichi loved Shuichi so much. His glass body shattered more every time his brain reminded him that he would never get to tell Shuichi that he loved him, or stroke that beautiful hair, or look into those gorgeous eyes, or hold his warm hand...

 

Kokichi’s world was a mixture of swirling, whirling, hurting,

 

Agonizing chaos.

 

And beautiful silence

 

He was longing for Shuichi. His heart was breaking for Shuichi. His bones shook and cracked and tumbled under his churning desire for Shuichi. His voice cried and shouted and yearned for Shuichi

 

But for this first time.

 

In a long time.

 

Everything was quiet.

 

The rush of blood that rang through his ears was 

 

Silent.

 

Kokichi might have been disdainful. 

 

He might’ve been disturbed.

 

He might’ve been demonic.

 

He might’ve been so desperate for a love he knew he would never be able to grasp, knowing full well that no love he ever gave would ever be reciprocated, not from his family, not from his organization, not from Shuichi…

 

But he was dying.

 

The world was showing Kokichi love by making everything silent. His destructive thoughts from earlier,

 

Slowed.

 

Stopped.

 

Disappeared.

 

Leaving Kokichi’s mind desolate, only able to think the most basic of thoughts.

 

His name was Kokichi Ouma.

 

He was sixteen years old.

 

His world was silent.

 

He was dying.

 

Withering away.

 

Into  **petals.**

 

_ “Kokichi…” _

 

**His world was silent.**

 

_ “Kokichi, please wake up.” _

 

**He was alone.**

 

“I heard you calling, I’m here! You’re okay, you’re going to be okay!”

 

**Nobody Loved Him.**

 

_ “I love you, so please, _

 

_ “Come back!” _

 

…

 

That was Shuichi’s voice.

 

Where was he?

 

There was only darkness.

 

There was no sound.

 

Except for Shuichi’s voice, which somehow penetrated Kokichi’s barriers. How? 

 

Why was Shuichi worrying? Kokichi didn’t want that. He wanted Shuichi to smile. Not cry. Shuichi wasn’t allowed to cry. 

 

Why was he crying over Kokichi?

 

What did Kokichi ever do in his short life that drew tears out of another person? Out of Shuichi? The person Kokichi wanted to hate him more than anyone to ensure that Shuichi’s heart would stay in one piece? With every word Shuichi spoke, Kokichi could hear the pieces of his heart tumble out with each syllable. With each breath Shuichi took, Kokichi recognized desperation in each inhale. It fit perfectly with Kokichi’s desperation.

 

With each sound Kokichi found himself starting to believe what he was sure was a lie.

 

That Kokichi loved him, and didn’t want him to die.

 

If Shuichi was lying, Kokichi would die with a broken heart.

 

If Shuichi wasn’t lying, Kokichi would die anyways, and it would be Shuichi with a broken heart.

 

Someone broken hearted over Kokichi…. He could hardly believe the possibility.

 

Possibility.

 

There was a possibility.

 

What Kokichi was going to do was reckless. It was something he had never quite done before, but he knew he had to do it. Even if he was a demonic, lying monster….

 

He was going to trust Shuichi. He was going to give his heart to Shuichi, and beg him to glue the pieces back together. Kokichi was going to throw away everything he thought he knew about himself for a chance of winning the only thing he ever wanted.

 

Love.

 

Kokichi allowed himself to sink into Shuichi’s voice, wherever it was. He dismissed the silence from his world. In doing so, unwelcomed sounds entered his ears.

 

Gunshots.

 

Lies.

 

Crying.

 

Vomiting.

 

But it was Shuichi’s voice that shone through. 

 

Kokichi loved Shuichi.

 

And Shuichi loved him.

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Feelings returned to Kokichi’s body. His chest felt lighter, but there was something rising in his throat that made it impossible for him to breathe. It tasted like blood, and flowers, and-

 

It was out.

 

Whatever it was, Kokichi was able to vomit it up. He inhaled, exhaled, and sighed.

 

And then, he opened his eyes.

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Kokichi didn’t recognize the room he was in. It was clearly a hospital room, made obvious from the beeping machines, monitors, and that sickly clean hospital smell, but it wasn’t one of the operating rooms from D.I.C.E., and it certainly wasn’t the Medical Lab from Hope’s Peak.

 

Where was he?

 

While Kokichi scanned the room, he made the mistake of looking down at himself. 

 

There was a mass of roots, forget-me-nots, and roses sitting on his chest, oozing blood and making Kokichi feel sick to his stomach.

 

He screamed. Not the best idea. Kokichi’s throat hurt like never before. The pain was scalding, utterly torturous, but to be expected after living with hanahaki for so long. His heartbeat sped up, which caused the monitors to go absolutely crazy. 

 

“Shuichi!!!” Kokichi cried. His pain weighed down his limbs, and the blinding white of the hospital walls was giving him vertigo. He needed help, dammit, he needed help. In the past, he would’ve never considered the idea that someone would help him. He would suffer through his trauma alone once more, doing everything in his power to keep the world around him oblivious to his suffering.

 

But this time was different. He believed that Shuichi would come. He believed that Shuichi would make the bad feelings go away.

 

_ And he did. _

 

Moments later, Shuichi Saihara came rushing into the hospital room with Naoki Suzuki in tow. Naoki was pulling surgical gloves on his hands, his expression deadly serious, meanwhile, Shuichi was already at Kokichi’s side, a chaotic mixture of distress and relief coating his features. 

 

“Ko- Ouma-kun! You’re awake! How are you feeling? Can you see me? Can you hear me-”

 

“Saihara, calm down. You’ll send Kokichi into a frenzy if you keep that up.” Naoki growled, examining Kokichi’s face. “Kokichi, we’re here. Take a deep breath. C’mon, breathe. Inhale-”

 

Kokichi tried to comply with Naoki’s instructions. Forcing his muscles into action, Kokichi’s chest heaved, his lungs filling with air. Naoki, avoiding the bloody mess on Kokichi’s chest, placed his hand over Kokichi’s lungs. When Kokichi breathed, Naoki’s eyes lit up.

 

“There you go, now exhale-”

 

Kokichi did as he was told. Shuichi was lazer-focused on Naoki, his worry lessening as he saw Naoki get happier.

 

“Your breathing is normal. Damaged, but normal. You’ll need to undergo tracheostomy, but first…” Naoki’s gloved fingers poked and prodded the blood-soaked mass of roots and flowers that laid on Kokichi’s torso. 

 

…

 

“The hanahaki is gone.”

 

… What?

 

“No way,” Shuichi muttered in disbelief. “You’re not kidding?”

 

“I’m not.” Said Naoki. “The pressure in his chest is that of an average person, not a hanahaki patient with roots wrapped around their lungs. Speaking of roots, this thing-” He picked up the mass off of Kokichi’s chest. “-These are the roots that used to constrict Kokichi’s lungs. This is what almost killed him. But the roots are dead now. And you, Kokichi, are not.”

 

Shuichi’s shining eyes turned to Kokichi. He sniffled, and wiped his tears with his sleeve. 

 

“Ouma-kun… no, Kokichi-kun…” Shuichi smiled wide

 

“You’re going to live.”

 

Kokichi couldn’t think of anything to say. He had no desire to wipe the tears coming out of his eyes, or the blood dripping from the corner of his mouth. All he could do was bury his face into Shuichi’s arms and sob. In the safety of Shuichi’s embrace, Kokichi let out everything he had felt in his life. The pain of seeing his family massacred, the loneliness in his childhood, the horror of unrequited love, every petal that escaped his lips was translated into the most pure, honest tears Kokichi had ever cried. Naoki couldn’t hold back his tears either, and soon, the detective, surgeon, and the supreme leader were all crying together. 

 

Shuichi ran his fingers through Kokichi’s hair, and speaking in a low voice, he said,

 

“Thank you for having faith in me, Kokichi-kun.”

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

The next few days were anything but fun for Kokichi, which was odd, seeing as the best moment of his life had just happened earlier. 

 

Naoki had told Kokichi that he needed two weeks of rest in the hospital. The confinement reminded Kokichi of those days he spent holed up in his room, starving himself, panicking, hating himself more than he had ever hated himself in the past.

 

The only thing that kept Kokichi from sinking into himself was Shuichi’s constant, anchoring presence. He was able to read Kokichi like a book, talking Kokichi’s ear off when Kokichi longed for sound to fill the room, and silently stroking Kokichi’s hair when Kokichi needed silence. 

 

Kokichi wasn’t quite ready to talk yet. He was pretty sure that Shuichi truly loved him, but Kokichi didn’t want to scare Shuichi away with an impulsive lie. Kokichi’s insecurities and nightmares haunted his every waking moment. But Shuichi’s angelic voice had become his saving grace.

 

“Akamatsu-san had to go to London to finish her final project, but before she left, she recorded you some of her favorite music.” Explained Shuichi, smiling softly. “Shinguuji-kun is in Uganda, and Amami-kun is in Egypt, but everyone else is still here. They came by to visit you earlier.” Shuichi held up his phone.” Akamatsu-san, Shinguuji-kun and Amami-kun sent me videos that they want you to watch, so when you want to, just tell me, and I’ll load them up for you, okay?”

 

Kokichi nodded weakly. His gaze was still hyper-focused on Shuichi.

 

“Everyone misses you. You should’ve seen their reactions when I told them that you would survive. Tojo-san had been stress-brewing tea in your absence, and she scalded herself with earl gray out of excitement. Kaito cheered and threw his desk out of the window. Iruma-san said something along the lines of, “THE GAYS HAVE UNITED! ABORT MISSION!” But she was smiling nonetheless, so I'm guessing that declaration was out of happiness and not panic.”

 

“T-they… r-r-really miss… m-me?” Kokichi stuttered.

 

“Shhhh, don’t talk! You’re still recovering!” Shuichi exclaimed. “But of course they do! I understand that it’ll be hard for you, but please allow yourself to put your faith in them like you put your faith in me.” He reached out to touch Kokichi’s cheek.

 

Kokichi lowered his head, unconsciously leaning into Shuichi’s palm.

 

“S-Shuichi-chan?”

 

Shuichi sighed deeply. “Yes?”

 

“Do y-y-you really l-love me?”

 

Shuichi’s hand pushed a lock of Kokichi’s hair behind his ear. His bright smile grew softer. “It took me a while to realize it. I can’t believe that if I had just come to the conclusion that my curiosity towards you wasn’t just simple curiosity, you would’ve never gotten hanahaki in the first place. I was unconsciously in denial, I guess. Seeing you at death’s door was like a wake-up call, and it reminded me that my life would be completely messed up without you. I’m a guy who likes following routines, and trying to unravel the puzzle that is you wormed it’s way into my routine before I knew it. I was completely in love with you.”

 

“W-why?”

 

“Kokichi-kun, you just got your windpipe torn apart and sewn back together.  _ Stop talking. _ ” Shuichi instructed.

 

“As for why, I guess… I had never met a mystery like you before. I wanted to unravel all your secrets and truly understand you. You’re adorable eyes didn’t help my feelings either. Have you ever noticed how cute your eyes are?”

 

Shuichi retracted his hand, folding his hands together. “I just want to bask in the reality of all of this. You’re alive, you love me, I love you, I sort of have a grip on my emotions for once in my life to the point that I can tell you to your face that your eyes are cute without dismissing the thought as a random observation and not something that should be addressed every day.”

 

“I swear that I’m never going to leave you alone when you’re suffering. I’m not going to be an air headed detective anymore. I’m not going to miss the clues. Naoki told me that recovery from hanahaki is grueling, and that your pain is not going to end any time soon, but I will be there with you every step of the way.”

 

“Nishishi… I r-really stole y-your heart… d-d-didn’t I?”

 

Shuichi giggled under his breath. “Yeah, yeah you did.”

 

“When I g-get out of here, I’m b-buying you flowers.”

 

“Aren’t you sick of flowers by now?”

 

“...Not if th-they remind m-me of you.”

 

“How sappy.”

 

“O-ouch.” 

 

….

 

“I am s-s-s-so in love w-with you.”

 

Shuichi placed a quick kiss on Kokichi’s lips. Kokichi stared back at Shuichi’s beautiful face, his heart being pierced by a bullet. This bullet was not destructive, or metallic, or dangerous like the petals. It was soft, and full of joy.

 

“I love you  _ too. _ ”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So.... there was going to be a final chapter to this. It was going to show the result of Kokichi and Shuichi's love, close the case file on Kokichi's hanahkai, show Mr. Pedo in prison, and guess what? Even Patty and Naoki get together, which is fucking awesome.
> 
> But I just can't bring myself to write it. I've tried, but I have no motivation to do it. So this is where it ends, guys. I'm so sorry.


End file.
